Top Ten Ways to Stay Off the Bestseller List

There are many more ways than this list of ten. Any one of these will insure that you never reach any writing goal, let alone bestseller status. If you think of more, please add them in your comments. I’m interested in your thoughts!

Top Ten Ways to Stay Off the Bestseller List

  1. Never start writing, only talk about it
  2. Spend all your time trolling Facebook, Twitter, and other such places.
  3. Wait for inspiration.
  4. Bounce from one story idea to another without choosing one.
  5. Reach a tough place in your book, stop, and start a new story.
  6. Never finish anything you start.
  7. Believe you know it all and there’s nothing to learn.
  8. Defend your book to anyone who tries to help.
  9. Never promote.
  10. Receive one rejection and give up.


Let’s Bore Readers to Death

Ten ways to kill your story, and quite possibly, your career.

  1. Choose a worn-out, generic title. Maybe no one will even bother to pick up the book.
  2. Create a soft protagonist who doesn’t have enough grit to take action.
  3. Open with a long sentence about the weather that has nothing to do with the story.
  4. Open with a long description of the room where your character is, especially if the room has nothing to do with the story.
  5. Open with a long narrative of your character’s background, including when and where his grandparents met, especially when it has nothing to do with the story.
  6. Record every bit of dialog spoken, along with descriptive little tags for those bits. Be sure to include bits that have nothing to do with the story.
  7. Ramble.
  8. Add filler.
  9. Repeat  yourself.
  10. Whatever you do, tell us what’s going on with lots of passive description, but never, ever engage us by showing the action.

If  you follow these ten easy steps, no one will finish your book or want to look at anything else you write.